you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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