He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
