you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
