a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
