Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
