my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
