I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
