Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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