mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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