the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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