Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
