i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
