Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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