dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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