im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
