four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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