maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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