dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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