She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Success! We fucked roommates!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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