Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
