she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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