They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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