She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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