Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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