my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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