Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
