it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
