I got chris browned last night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
