This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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