it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize