I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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