There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
