i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
