I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
