woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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