I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
