So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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