There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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