i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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