Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
