If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
