Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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