why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
