? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
