When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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