Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
