yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
