I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
