eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
