I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
