Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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