Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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