check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
