Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no, he came in my armpit
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
