i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
