Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
