Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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