Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
