i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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