I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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