i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
