I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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