Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Randomize
