It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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