You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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