Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize