The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
