You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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