I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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