You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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