so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
