She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
