His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
