You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
two words...techno handjob
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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