What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
