MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
As shirtless as possible
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
