he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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